The Senior Prom
My son had a normal high school experience this week. He went to his Senior Prom.
What's the big deal you may ask?
My son was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and is on house arrest for his rebellious, destructive behavior last summer. I had to call the police on him when he came home drunk one night and became threatening to me. Being an unattached, single parent, I had to call the police as there was no one I could look to in the house to diffuse the situation.
Once I made the call, he was like a deflated balloon. All of the air went out of him and he practically collapsed at the foot of the stairs. He then said that he wanted to kill himself. By the time the police showed up, he was out on the deck, sitting silently in the dark, all alone.
The police took almost a half an hour to try and convince him to leave with them quietly. They wanted to take him to the hospital for a psych eval. He seemed to be cooperating, at least he was being quiet while they spoke to him. But is was the calm before the storm. As soon as they told him it was time to go, he became crazed. He is a wiry, but strong sonofabitch when he needs to be. He clung to the deck rails; they pried him off. He clung to the door jam on the way back into the house; they realized the kitchen knives were within grabbing distance and wisely pushed him back towards the deck. In the end, the ambulance had to be called and it took two cops and two paramedics to lift him up and tie him down to a gurney. The entire time he was screaming, yelling, kicking, punching and spitting.
Have you ever had to witness your son being tied into four point restraints (both hands and both feet)? It was not one of my best nights. How could he have gotten to this point? What had I done so wrong to turn him into this monster? Why couldn't he be a "good" kid? What did I do to deserve this?
I followed the ambulance to our local hospital, thankfully just on the other side of my small town. I had not been in the waiting room for very long when two officers came out to meet me. I don't think they were the ones who responded to the house, but can't be sure. One of the officers explained to me that because my son had been spitting at his officers, he was going to be charged with assault on a police officer and public drunkenness. So on top of this being the worst night in MY life, it just got worse. My kid doesn't have a job, and no prospects of getting one. In essence, in calling the police for HELP, I just screwed myself financially. Court costs, fees, fines, etc. Wonderful! Wasn't I the victim here?
My son had to spend the night in the hospital. I was counting on him waking up with a raging hangover and feeling boatloads of guilt for his behavior. That didn't happen. However, he was much more pleasant when he woke up and was released.
That afternoon, I made some calls and found a local outpatient substance abuse program, and by Monday, he was enrolled.
Two months and several relapses later, he went to Court and was charged some form of criminal mischief (non assault) charge (in case he ever wants to enlist in the military) and with underage drinking. He spent 5 days in a juvenile detention center, got $500+ in fines, is on house arrest for the foreseeable future, had to attend a substance abuse program, a mental health program, anger management and individual therapy. He was diagnosed as being Bipolar in October and started on medication in January. Finally, I think I see the medication working, five months later.
There have been ups and downs, mostly downs, in the ten months since he came home drunk that night last July. I have often thought that he would NEVER have "normal" experiences. He is not in the best mental state to look for or hold a job. He does poorly in school and is in jeopardy of not graduating. He is rebellious and defiant with any and all authority figures. Just getting him to do a few simple chores around the house is an overwhelming task. His room riddled with holes and his door is literally in pieces. He has been continuously angry and destructive or sad and depressed for as long as I can remember.
But this past Friday night, he got dressed up in his rent-a-tux, with a tie that matched the color of his girlfriend's dress, and went to his Senior Prom. His friend's family arranged for a limo to take the four kids to the prom in serious style. It was decked out with rose petals, confetti, snacks and safe, non-alcoholic drinks. They shared a table with a bunch of friends and from what I've been told, my surly, depressive little boy danced just about every dance, despite telling everyone he can't dance! In short, he had a completely normal Senior Prom. Something he can look back at years from now with fun and happy memories. And he came home with a smile on his face!
I have no illusions that my monster-child is gone for good. There will be some kind of setback, some disappointment, some time that he wants something that I say "no" to, when he will erupt into the angry, raging boy I have come to know, (I cannot quite say "love" in these instances) in the last year or so.
All of you struggling with kids that have mental illnesses can take heart from the fact that there are good days. We have to treasure these days because we don't get as many of them as parents of "normal" kids get. And I took enough pictures to treasure for years and years. In fact, I spent hours on prom night, after he had gotten home, looking at them over and over.
My son had a great night at the prom!
What's the big deal you may ask?
My son was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and is on house arrest for his rebellious, destructive behavior last summer. I had to call the police on him when he came home drunk one night and became threatening to me. Being an unattached, single parent, I had to call the police as there was no one I could look to in the house to diffuse the situation.
Once I made the call, he was like a deflated balloon. All of the air went out of him and he practically collapsed at the foot of the stairs. He then said that he wanted to kill himself. By the time the police showed up, he was out on the deck, sitting silently in the dark, all alone.
The police took almost a half an hour to try and convince him to leave with them quietly. They wanted to take him to the hospital for a psych eval. He seemed to be cooperating, at least he was being quiet while they spoke to him. But is was the calm before the storm. As soon as they told him it was time to go, he became crazed. He is a wiry, but strong sonofabitch when he needs to be. He clung to the deck rails; they pried him off. He clung to the door jam on the way back into the house; they realized the kitchen knives were within grabbing distance and wisely pushed him back towards the deck. In the end, the ambulance had to be called and it took two cops and two paramedics to lift him up and tie him down to a gurney. The entire time he was screaming, yelling, kicking, punching and spitting.
Have you ever had to witness your son being tied into four point restraints (both hands and both feet)? It was not one of my best nights. How could he have gotten to this point? What had I done so wrong to turn him into this monster? Why couldn't he be a "good" kid? What did I do to deserve this?
I followed the ambulance to our local hospital, thankfully just on the other side of my small town. I had not been in the waiting room for very long when two officers came out to meet me. I don't think they were the ones who responded to the house, but can't be sure. One of the officers explained to me that because my son had been spitting at his officers, he was going to be charged with assault on a police officer and public drunkenness. So on top of this being the worst night in MY life, it just got worse. My kid doesn't have a job, and no prospects of getting one. In essence, in calling the police for HELP, I just screwed myself financially. Court costs, fees, fines, etc. Wonderful! Wasn't I the victim here?
My son had to spend the night in the hospital. I was counting on him waking up with a raging hangover and feeling boatloads of guilt for his behavior. That didn't happen. However, he was much more pleasant when he woke up and was released.
That afternoon, I made some calls and found a local outpatient substance abuse program, and by Monday, he was enrolled.
Two months and several relapses later, he went to Court and was charged some form of criminal mischief (non assault) charge (in case he ever wants to enlist in the military) and with underage drinking. He spent 5 days in a juvenile detention center, got $500+ in fines, is on house arrest for the foreseeable future, had to attend a substance abuse program, a mental health program, anger management and individual therapy. He was diagnosed as being Bipolar in October and started on medication in January. Finally, I think I see the medication working, five months later.
There have been ups and downs, mostly downs, in the ten months since he came home drunk that night last July. I have often thought that he would NEVER have "normal" experiences. He is not in the best mental state to look for or hold a job. He does poorly in school and is in jeopardy of not graduating. He is rebellious and defiant with any and all authority figures. Just getting him to do a few simple chores around the house is an overwhelming task. His room riddled with holes and his door is literally in pieces. He has been continuously angry and destructive or sad and depressed for as long as I can remember.
But this past Friday night, he got dressed up in his rent-a-tux, with a tie that matched the color of his girlfriend's dress, and went to his Senior Prom. His friend's family arranged for a limo to take the four kids to the prom in serious style. It was decked out with rose petals, confetti, snacks and safe, non-alcoholic drinks. They shared a table with a bunch of friends and from what I've been told, my surly, depressive little boy danced just about every dance, despite telling everyone he can't dance! In short, he had a completely normal Senior Prom. Something he can look back at years from now with fun and happy memories. And he came home with a smile on his face!
I have no illusions that my monster-child is gone for good. There will be some kind of setback, some disappointment, some time that he wants something that I say "no" to, when he will erupt into the angry, raging boy I have come to know, (I cannot quite say "love" in these instances) in the last year or so.
All of you struggling with kids that have mental illnesses can take heart from the fact that there are good days. We have to treasure these days because we don't get as many of them as parents of "normal" kids get. And I took enough pictures to treasure for years and years. In fact, I spent hours on prom night, after he had gotten home, looking at them over and over.
My son had a great night at the prom!
I'm so sorry you seem to be having such a rough time! But I'm really glad your son got to have a fun Senior Prom! Stay strong, and I'll be praying for more good days for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you Sarah. I've been off of here for awhile, but will be adding to it when I find time. My son is still struggling, has been worse and better, but is pretty good for now.
DeleteAnd thanks for commenting.