Ooops, Can I Do It Again?
I may be having another child. I am still not married, but I am in a committed relationship. We've known each other since I was a senior in high school and he was a sophomore, but its been all of 10 days that we have been dating.
Since my only offspring is 17 years old (a little more than 2 months from being 18), volatile and bipolar, I have not exactly felt a strong biological urge to reproduce further. Plus, I have been single for a little over a year. Today, I realized that maybe I am not done being a mom.
I will blog in more detail about the guy I am with another time, but suffice it to say, we have a history, starting when we were my son's and his girlfriend's ages. He has always been interested in me, and I him. I had not really seen him since my son was born! But we've kept the same friends, and therefore, have remained connected. When we met up again, both single finally, it was like BAM! Total connection. Logically following, we have been intimate, diligently practicing safe sex as society tells us to do.
Last night, the condom broke.
My first and lasting concern was not, "oh no, millions of little nightmares are swimming their way to victory", it was "Oh God, there is latex inside me, get it out, get IT OUT!"
We did not have long last night to talk about it before we had to pick up my son and his girlfriend, but he stayed over and we talked about it more. He really wants to have kids together. He told me before last night that he loves me and wants to be with me forever, and wants me to bear his children. Sincerely, he means it. When I momentarily calmed down about the rubber eventually rotting inside of me, we lay next to one another. I was praying out loud to God, Mother Nature, anything or any entity that I would not get pregnant, that I was NOT pregnant, he showed me how it was really done. He kissed the crucifix he wears around his neck and crossed himself with his eyes closed and lips moving slightly. When he smiled and opened his eyes to look at me, I told him he had better just have prayed I was NOT pregnant. With a twinkle in his eyes, he said instead he prayed "for ten fingers, ten toes..."
We spent the rest of the night lightly talking about potential names (Misti for 'mistake' was my vote); how he thinks it will be a girl; what my son would think; where we would live, etc. I later went online to calculate my due date and it came out to Valentine's Day 2011. We agreed I would take a "morning after pill" because as much as he wants kids with me, we know logically that it is too soon. He made it clear that if that pill did NOT work, he does not want me to terminate the pregnancy. I told him we would talk about that at that time.
I did not feel any panic last night or this morning. I bought the pill from my regular drugstore. Ladies, this is not something I recommend. I used the Pharmacy that fills my bipolar kid's medications, so they have a good idea of my home life. It was a little surreal. If I have to go through this again, I will use some random drug store so that no one recognizes me.
I bought the pill (one dose) at about 8:30 a.m., just about exactly 12 hours after the condom broke. I did not take it this morning. I left it in the car and did not take it when I went out later for lunch. I did not take it after work. I told myself I was waiting due to the potential side effect of nausea, which I could avoid if I took it as close to bedtime as possible.
I went to a friend's house after work, and did not take it on the way there. I did not take it before I went inside or any of the times I went to the bathroom, although at that time, I had it in my purse. I told myself I wanted to wait to talk to my BF first.
The directions indicate the pill works best if taken within 24 hours of "the incident". My BF texted me that he was home from work at 7:20 p.m., and I replied I would call him when I left my friend's. I could have left when I got the text, as I had been there almost two hours already and had exhausted most of what we could talk about. I told myself that superstitiously I wanted to take it closer to 8:30 p.m., exactly 24 hours after "the incident", that it was somehow luckier to do so.
I left a little before 8 p.m., but did not take the pill when I got into my car. I called the BF back, and could not reach him. I told myself I wanted to talk to him before I took the pill. Was I waiting for him to talk me out of it?
I ended up taking the pill at 8:30 p.m., still on the way home. I tried to call the BF again, but could not reach him. I texted him I had taken the pill.
When we finally connected about an hour later, I realized that I may not be done being a parent. Is this a case of empty-nest syndrome? I doubt it since my kid is in no hurry to leave the home. But the thought of having a kid with someone who WANTS to be a parent, and who desperately wants to parent WITH you - what a novel concept that would be. This guy would make a GREAT dad. This is not to say the guy does not have issues himself which need to be addressed (as do we all), but I like the idea of being mommy and daddy for the rest of our lives to a mini-combination of us.
The pill is about 85% effective. If I am a part of that 15%, what will I do? I am not as sure about that now as I was prior to being with this guy. So who knows, maybe this will evolve into a blog about raising multi-generational kids. My parents had me after meeting and marrying in their late 30's/early 40's. They each had kids from prior relationships. My BF has a younger kid from a previous relationship; I have my kid. Maybe this will be a case of history repeating itself.
Since my only offspring is 17 years old (a little more than 2 months from being 18), volatile and bipolar, I have not exactly felt a strong biological urge to reproduce further. Plus, I have been single for a little over a year. Today, I realized that maybe I am not done being a mom.
I will blog in more detail about the guy I am with another time, but suffice it to say, we have a history, starting when we were my son's and his girlfriend's ages. He has always been interested in me, and I him. I had not really seen him since my son was born! But we've kept the same friends, and therefore, have remained connected. When we met up again, both single finally, it was like BAM! Total connection. Logically following, we have been intimate, diligently practicing safe sex as society tells us to do.
Last night, the condom broke.
My first and lasting concern was not, "oh no, millions of little nightmares are swimming their way to victory", it was "Oh God, there is latex inside me, get it out, get IT OUT!"
We did not have long last night to talk about it before we had to pick up my son and his girlfriend, but he stayed over and we talked about it more. He really wants to have kids together. He told me before last night that he loves me and wants to be with me forever, and wants me to bear his children. Sincerely, he means it. When I momentarily calmed down about the rubber eventually rotting inside of me, we lay next to one another. I was praying out loud to God, Mother Nature, anything or any entity that I would not get pregnant, that I was NOT pregnant, he showed me how it was really done. He kissed the crucifix he wears around his neck and crossed himself with his eyes closed and lips moving slightly. When he smiled and opened his eyes to look at me, I told him he had better just have prayed I was NOT pregnant. With a twinkle in his eyes, he said instead he prayed "for ten fingers, ten toes..."
We spent the rest of the night lightly talking about potential names (Misti for 'mistake' was my vote); how he thinks it will be a girl; what my son would think; where we would live, etc. I later went online to calculate my due date and it came out to Valentine's Day 2011. We agreed I would take a "morning after pill" because as much as he wants kids with me, we know logically that it is too soon. He made it clear that if that pill did NOT work, he does not want me to terminate the pregnancy. I told him we would talk about that at that time.
I did not feel any panic last night or this morning. I bought the pill from my regular drugstore. Ladies, this is not something I recommend. I used the Pharmacy that fills my bipolar kid's medications, so they have a good idea of my home life. It was a little surreal. If I have to go through this again, I will use some random drug store so that no one recognizes me.
I bought the pill (one dose) at about 8:30 a.m., just about exactly 12 hours after the condom broke. I did not take it this morning. I left it in the car and did not take it when I went out later for lunch. I did not take it after work. I told myself I was waiting due to the potential side effect of nausea, which I could avoid if I took it as close to bedtime as possible.
I went to a friend's house after work, and did not take it on the way there. I did not take it before I went inside or any of the times I went to the bathroom, although at that time, I had it in my purse. I told myself I wanted to wait to talk to my BF first.
The directions indicate the pill works best if taken within 24 hours of "the incident". My BF texted me that he was home from work at 7:20 p.m., and I replied I would call him when I left my friend's. I could have left when I got the text, as I had been there almost two hours already and had exhausted most of what we could talk about. I told myself that superstitiously I wanted to take it closer to 8:30 p.m., exactly 24 hours after "the incident", that it was somehow luckier to do so.
I left a little before 8 p.m., but did not take the pill when I got into my car. I called the BF back, and could not reach him. I told myself I wanted to talk to him before I took the pill. Was I waiting for him to talk me out of it?
I ended up taking the pill at 8:30 p.m., still on the way home. I tried to call the BF again, but could not reach him. I texted him I had taken the pill.
When we finally connected about an hour later, I realized that I may not be done being a parent. Is this a case of empty-nest syndrome? I doubt it since my kid is in no hurry to leave the home. But the thought of having a kid with someone who WANTS to be a parent, and who desperately wants to parent WITH you - what a novel concept that would be. This guy would make a GREAT dad. This is not to say the guy does not have issues himself which need to be addressed (as do we all), but I like the idea of being mommy and daddy for the rest of our lives to a mini-combination of us.
The pill is about 85% effective. If I am a part of that 15%, what will I do? I am not as sure about that now as I was prior to being with this guy. So who knows, maybe this will evolve into a blog about raising multi-generational kids. My parents had me after meeting and marrying in their late 30's/early 40's. They each had kids from prior relationships. My BF has a younger kid from a previous relationship; I have my kid. Maybe this will be a case of history repeating itself.
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